22 posts tagged “introspective”
I have had a terrible week, this week and basically lost my inspiration to fight. What I assumed was well and good was only to be thrown in shambles. I am confused how to proceed but limitations on my fate constrain me to darkness. I will probably take a "meditation" from my works here to focus on rebuilding myself... When I return, I hope to write more about some more Linux musings and maybe some funny rants.
Merry Christmas to you readers out there... and may you have a better season that I am having.
The last question I leave is... "Where's my GameCube and shit?"
-ZeroXR
Last night, a dear friend died... The details are not disclosed with respect to her family. Her name was Kate and I can say she was a wonderful person. She had a critical eye for detail and a splendid artist. Her heart was unsurpassed in the greatness of care in her art. She died at only 21 years old... Deprived of the many joys that she may not have gotten to experience. To say she never got a fair chance in life would be an understatement. I loved seeing her at her studio working just painting her art, that was a joy to see her just forming a picture that was incomparably great. Her smile was something that no one could even capture. She was a revolutionary for her time, but I wish she had more time to blossom and really evolve as an artist.
Kate, may your soul reach heaven and touch the stars. I pray you will find eternal happiness in a higher state of life... You will be missed in my heart and even more so to those who loved you most. God bless and may you rest in peace.
-ZeroXR
Let's face it... the time period from circa 2000 to mid 2007 has not been great for performance cars. Many of the great cars went off of the stage and faded from the limelight. Cars had to be more energy and emissions efficient. Crash regulations in Europe changed due to pedestrian safety. I hate to say it, but cars got bland and dull... Here's my list of picks of what I felt were the "iconic" cars (all around the world) from the "Golden Era" of 1990 - 1999:
Honda/Acura Integra (all versions)
Honda Prelude
Honda Civic Si/Type-R
Mazda RX-7
Nissan Fairlady Z/300ZX (Z32 style)
Nissan Silvia/240SX
Toyota MR2/MR-S(pyder)
Toyota Celica
Toyota Supra
Audi RS6
BMW //M3
BMW //M5
Volkswagen Rabbit
Volkswagen Sirocco
GM F-Body Cars (Trans-Am/Camaro/Firebird)
Most of these cars were either dropped completely off of the product line or just plain crippled in other nations that just quickly killed their popularity... At the same right, there were some cars that continued to be "hardcore" to the bone since their inception within the 90's. A great example being the Mazda MX-5/Miata/Roadster, which got even more hardcore with the later years with a turbo charged one for the world and even a special coupe version for Australia and Asia.
With the recent months, the gears finally began to churn. Manufacturers are finally able to extract power from newer engine technologies while still meeting or even exceeding emission requirements of global organizations. Designs are coming out with more classical shapes and designs. Some manufacturers are even going with a more retro approach and trying to revive the classic legends of the 50's and 60's. Some manufacturers are simply retiring models that simply cannot compete in a market that it inadvertently walked into. Some manufacturers are even making models to throw down and fight some of the biggest names in history. Some models have "ascended" to the status of another model. Here's my list of the "soldiers of the revolution" as well as the memorial of the fallen:
Acura TSX/Honda Accord Euro-R - Seen now as the successor of the Integra model line, not a "doped Accord"
Acura RSX/Honda Integra - Died as of 2005, but a speculated Acura TSX coupe with all-wheel drive and turbo is in the works.
Honda/Acura NSX - Died as of 2006, HSC (High Speed Concept) to replace it in 2009 from various sources
Honda S2000 - Dies this year (2007), XGA to be successor with a focus on low power to come out in 2009 to fight the MX-5 (per Jalopnik)
Mazda RX-8 - Based on the chassis of the Miata, but still nimble in body while containing the heart of a new Renesis motor, 20th anniversary edition due out soon.
MazdaSpeed 3 and 6 - The MS3 continues on, but the MS6 dies this year unfortunately.
Mazda MX-5/Roadster - Rumors of a supercharged version (think MazdaSpeed) are in the works from various forums
Nissan Fairlady Z/350Z - Rebirth of the Z with a non-turbo V6 and a sharp 6-speed, a Nismo serial numbered edition will be shipping soon.
Nissan Skyline/Infiniti G35 - Personally, I feel it is becoming the modern day Silvia... unless Nissan decides to make a more compact coupe with a great motor.
Nissan GT-R - The official rebirth of the late R34 Skyline GT-R to do battle with the new //M3, Corvette Z06, et al
Scion tC - Think about what "tC" could mean... My thoughts are on "Toyota Celica"
Lexus LF-A concept - Think a luxury reborn Supra to set its crosshairs on cars like the new //M3, Corvette Z06, and the others. It needs to loose the ugly before the release to seriously sell to the masses, in my opinion.
Audi RS6 - It has returned with a very beefy V10 that came straight off of Lamborghini and a sleek new body.
BMW //M3 - Finally powered by a V8 rather than an inline 6 cylinder for the first time with an aggressive set-up.
BMW Z4 //M Roadster and //M Coupe - Ante up for pure driving with a 6-speed and no SMG options bolted to the venerable //M3's previous inline 6 cylinder to really feel a hardcore experience.
Dodge Challenger - A modern day revival of the Dodge Charger coupe from the 60's (think Dukes of Hazard)
Chevy Camaro - Invoking the body lines of the classic Camaro of the 60's with the new technologies of today
GM Kappa Platform - Saturn/Vauxhall Sky and Pontiac Solstice finally enter the arena as challengers to the MX-5's throne of "Best Selling Sports Car in the World"
This makes for quite the interesting next few years... Manufacturers finally recognize that enthusiast owners love to push their cars to the edge. Also, people are into customizing how their car looks to stand out from the crowds and manufacturers are finally launching their "performance" divisions around the globe to feed the desires of end users. Feeding the end users gives way to more expensive items that the manufacturers can make a killer profit. If anything, they should have jumped on board with the idea sooner. The desire to have a "textbook sports car" with rear wheel drive is becoming more and more present with some of the new "rebirths" and challengers having that as a criteria.
Sports cars are finally getting fun and not only that... their entry price is much cheaper. That's definitely something to get excited about.
Today, I nailed off 2 important debts... My 2005 tax penalty to the IRS and the remaining penalty from my school grant that I flunked out of college for. With that out of the way, I can say that it's nice to have those behind me as I can now concentrate on the smaller things and even follow up on my debt collectors who have not sent out my "confirmations of payment". It's been a long road, but I just need to run in "paranoia" mode and fool myself (without "cheating" and looking in my bank account) that I am in the negative... because I literally have $25 to live off of until my next paycheck after paying off my debts today.
After the next check shoots in, I can swat off the 2 minor debts dead and call it even-Steven. From there, I will be shooting my parents cash as fast as possible to repay for their help loan... After that's repaid, I plan to save up and pool my cash together for something that I will really appreciate. That's in the future, of course. In addition, I plan to throw chunks of cash to savings in order to plan for my future retirement with how the lack of pensions and the current give-everyone-a-401k game has been going on for every employer. I know as a kid, I should have saved 25% - 50% of my income and put it to savings for a possible retirement at age 40, but if I can minimize my expenses to the point that I can toss 75% of my earnings to savings, maybe I can catch up. Sometimes living a little cheap and crappy is all the compromise I need to get acquainted to.
I realize that my downfall was a heavy addiction to being in with the latest and greatest digital electronics. I have semi-"dated" tech toys like a Dell laptop converted to Linux, Nintendo DS, Sony Ericsson P990i & W300i phones, old birthday PC my parents bought me to build, but they are adequate enough to keep me entertained. As far as electronic toys go, I don't plan to get a new phone for a very long while as the P990i should keep me company for a good time while the W300i will be great for times that I don't want to look flashy or like I am carrying a mobile office in my pocket. The computer issue, I will keep my Dell slugging for me for a good long while. My parents may be inclined to get me a "newer" computer although through retail venues, it would probably be just a new Windows Vista laptop which would be for purely gaming for me as the Dell will continue the bulk of life doing secured and protected work such as term papers I can't have eaten by a virus. For the "entertainment" bit, all I just want is a PSP with the new Castlevania game, because it's remake on a game that I have been sorely waiting for, but never had a chance to import it due to the fact that it costs $100+ for it and it was published back in the 90's! So the way I see it is an expense for the system for cheap and then the cost of the game ($40) is much more cheaper than playing eBay for an import of the original and then trying to hunt for the system which could be iffy business.
After my last minor debts have been completed, I will finally be able to say "Debt... I hardly knew you"
Love is a touchy subject in this modern day and age. For some, it is the the foundation of great romance. For others, it is the fallen ruins of their lives. Imagery of love can be seen with examples like "high school sweethearts" or divorce statistics. Love is not always about happy thoughts or sex as popular media portrays it, but rather there are also "dysfunctional" forms of love that the modern day press would rather avoid. Princeton's WordNet defines love as "a positive emotion with regard or affection."
Love itself is not a spontaneous concept, it requires "pillars" to even begin. Trust, friendship, and courage are strong in creating the foundation of love, but when one falls... the other crumble into dust. Trust is the mutual ability to confide between two beings. A powerful value, as it builds the value of friendship. Friendship is a communal companionship of two beings. Courage is the human ability to stand tall in the face of a challenge be it physical or mental in nature. This step building of the foundation leads to love and continually, love evolves becomes stronger. At the same time, the foundation of love builds itself stronger and stronger.
Sadly, love is not "simple" to comprehend as it is a complex emotion not easily defined in a concrete dictionary manner. Humans are one of the only beings that have such a concept, though there are aspects of the concept that are uniquely primal. Things such as impressing mates with gifts as a display of pride or affection are much like how some animals build and embellish nests as a work of pride to show how able they are to provide for their mate. This muddles the concept of love to one that is materialistic in nature. In the modern day, you hear about how a "strong" male must be able to roll in a large income, be able to be a provider, and most of all shower his mate with gifts of significant monetary value. In a personal definition, love is not one that can be defined by material possessions. If anything, it'd be absurd.
Another facet of love is one that is abusive. One where the feelings are one-sided and destructive to the will of another. This relationship is one where one is lead to believe that the love is there, but they do not realize the magnitude of destruction. What is perceived to some as possibly a BDSM relationship could be the loss of humanity in the victim. Sadly, the victim may not be able to make the call of when enough is enough or their abuser may even kill them from the abuse.
But what about the "cliches" that we are so used to seeing in the movies? Epic things like "true" love and all of those powerful values. To offer an interpretation of "true love", let's clarify that it is a romantic form of companionship that transcends all material bindings. The reality is that we confuse "true love" with "perfect love". "Perfect love" is one that must have physical or material conditions which must be fulfilled or the relationship cannot continue further. With things like divorce that permeate American society, it's apparent that "perfect love" is a popular form rather than the heroic ideal of "true love". Things like money, physique, or other factors can be "calculated" with a highly volatile concept like love. That is confusing.
Let it be know that love is something that is either "true" or "perfect" but there are so many more variables that muck up the concept even more.
I can still remember when I was age twelve when I got my first computer. It was a first Sony Vaio desktop with a Pentium I with MMX processing chip sporting 166mhz of power with 32mb of RAM. It had Windows 95 and did the job for a good while for me until the machine quickly became obsolete due to all the developments in the digital world. It wouldn't be until I hit age 16, that I would be able to feed my tech-hungry self with the expense from my part time job to build my own machine. This new machine would be affectionately known as The Beast v2 with a Athlon Thunderbird 1.17ghz and just 256mb of RAM. I would mainly use it for music mixing and some LAN party gaming but that was really it... well until the poor thing hit the dust from my sister browsing sites of questionable origin attracting odd malware.
This would lead to my stage of form and function... I wanted a machine that was small, but strong. Shuttle's XPC format was finally getting good steam from many of the overclockers on the web, so I figured "Why not?" I would get a little machine and build it with lots of recycled parts from The Beast, but yet I was underwhelmed... Maybe it was the fact that I didn't have a DVD burner or even a budget that could afford the best RAM and processor. But with the machine, it served its purpose as a gaming and internet machine. The shame with this machine was it would have some failings that would cause it to lose its value quickly.
I would end up getting a Mac mini from my last iteration of The Beast just malfunctioning as something to allow me to do my academic work on and just plain function. I was rather pleased with the experience, but much like The Beasts before... This machine was just underwhelming due to it lacking wireless, bluetooth, a big hard drive, strong processor, and appropriate RAM. As newer and newer updates came out, the machine just became more and more sluggish. Apple would earn the ire of my anger for revising the Mac mini with a faster Intel based chip and much more robust features just a year after I had bought mine... Once the slowdowns got purely unbearable, I had to find another means to try resuscitate The Beast to live once more until I could afford a proper machine to do my computing on.
After some time in the dark... I would just crack open the holding cell for The Beast and just try to do what I could to revive the machine. I got sick of how slow my Mac got and just savored the one thing I missed most... Computer games. After some fiddling, I got The Beast back online and I could resume the life I had before the Mac... but that time would be just a bare year after the constant pestilence from virus or malware attacks. This was right around when I would begin my conversion to Ubuntu Linux. Until a very serious private life event would happen...
On moving back home to my parents, I couldn't afford to drop a wi-fi card into The Beast and on the relinquished laptop was Windows XP Media Center Edition. So I had to buckle down and just use that to get by, as I was a bit leery of the support of Ubuntu on my laptop. A lot of folks actually had laptops similar to spec as mine which had no problem with the last release of 6.10, that was reassuring. I would cut the life support on XP as it just couldn't live properly on just a 1.73 ghz Celeron with just 512mb of RAM. On switching, it's been a rather pleasant experience which I have not regretted.
With regard to my future aspirations, I just want to own two more laptops so that I can be versed in all the vectors in questions. I know many of my friends and family own Windows machines and there are a few that own Apple machines. I just would like to have one of each, just so I can field questions or just take whichever one suits my applications properly... For a Windows laptop, it'll primarily do computer games and device modifications as I have found most device modifications and updates just don't cater to the Linux or Apple crowd. I miss Guild Wars and then I have had a few unlocking opportunities for Motorola's that I have missed out on a quick $25 to supplement my income from lack of a Windows machine. Then there's also the desire for a second round at Apple with a MacBook. I would probably seek to get one with a fully loaded set of specs but I doubt it'll be within the line of a MacBook Pro budget. I would probably fall into the iPod crowd just to see what all the jazz is about as I have never owned one really. The laptops will probably be purchased with time, so I will probably stew over the choices before dropping serious coin on the decision. The hardest part will be making a choice between the Windows or Apple machine first. I know that this purchase will probably not happen until possibly next year, so I can wait on that... Especially considering the floating rumors that Apple will incorporate the iPhone and iPod Touch interface with the new MacBooks which would be quite a novelty to try out.
Dear 419ing Nigerian Scammers,
With some of us trying to making quick cash by getting rid of our old possessions, your scamming tricks are highly unappreciated and not wanted anywhere. Be it eBay or any other place where we are trying to sell our wares because it wastes our time. Everyone knows "Time is Money" so quit wasting our time. It was bad enough on eBay when you would fraudulently win with a ridiculously high bid and then try to pay with that same tried and true method you use. Oh..? You forget what that is..? Let me refresh your memory.
You start by saying you have significant interest in our item and will do anything to have it. Afterwards, you then fabricate a story that you are "out of the country" or that it's for your cousin in "Europe" or "America"... Just there's
one caveat, your listed address is somehow in Nigeria. Oh... what's that? You don't have cash, but you'll draft out a bad cashier's check for payment? Oh..? You want me or other sellers to send you the items first? Talk about trying to trying to pull a fast one... Sorry, not everyone is that foolish to give away their possessions for you for free.
Another bone I need to pick... Your overly flower stories are just beyond the vocabulary of average Americans. Do you honestly think that Jim-Bob from Nantucket is going to give two shits that you're the "Exalted Minister of Witch Doctor Affairs" from some royal family that has a name which is a pain in the ass to pronounce? Even more so, that your spelling and grammar are HORRENDOUSLY awful?
Why don't you take your games and STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM CRAIGSLIST LOCAL SELLERS. You want to scam someone, keep it on eBay. I'm trying to sell my shit locally so I can pay off my debt and bills and don't need your messages wasting my time and I don't think that others would appreciate their time wasted. I will wait for the day that the UN condemns your country for your vile practices of making a dollar, euro, or yen off of some gullible sap.
Regards,
ZeroXR
I won't lie... I love games. Though with my professional life encroaching more and more to a lifestyle that has me moving all about as well as needing things to work, I have found myself to be a very mobile person. Sitting in front of a TV to immerse 80+ hours on an immersion from a RPG where I am striving to save the world from doom is not something I have the luxury of doing anymore. Things like a game where you can "suspend" the session in the memory, then power up the system to resume has become something I can go with. I owned both a Sony PSP and a Nintendo DS at one point... Odd as it sounds, I actually used my PSP for more "off-label" uses such as music playback, movies and digital magazine reading. The DS, I actually liked the challenging games or the niche genres. The unique part was the remixes on some classic franchise games. Eventually, my gaming age would shatter and quickly become nothing more than just another memory as I sold everything I had to just get by.
I finally nabbed one and it's a reward for my hard efforts to fight in school again... and the times certainly have changed since I last owned a DS. Lots of great games, but little modularity on what you can do online, except if you cheat and I don't endorse that in any way, shape or form. There are some games where wi-fi is a gate to play and battle online, cooperative gaming, or even a trading realm. It's nice to see Nintendo is exploiting the abilities of wi-fi net gaming for their games like Pokemon and the ability to verbally chat to your traders and rivals while dueling and swapping monsters and items. Other studios have yet to exploit the possibilities yet... I would like to see more games get innovative with implementation of the wi-fi networks.
I'll admit, it's a shame that the DS does not have modularity via firmware updates, but I do appreciate great games that are easily gold titles in my library. For anyone who's a DS player and has the following games... Let me know if you want to sell items, buy items or even game with me.
I have the following wi-fi titles:
Tetris DS
Tenchu: Dark Secret
Castlevania: Portrait of Ruin
Trade me friend codes and we'll have fun.
With school this semester, I have never thought to see book expenses get dramatically higher with the passing days. It was nice in the early days, but now, it gets more and more pricey with school expenditures. Some classes require additional texts to supplement the learning and even some classes require gadgets. I'll talk on gadgets later on... Some folks are more fortunate to get student loans, others even more so with scholarships and other awards from private organizations or the government. There are also the younger folks who are privileged to have their parents foot the bill without even seeing a dime come to their own pocket books...
For most of my college life, I have footed the bill for my textbooks but at a sacrifice to something I own or possess. Sure, there was the time my family even believed in my education... but even then it was question of sacrifice.
That was always the "rules of engagement". My family never believed in loans and my luck wasn't too great with scholarships save for only one time. So I would just begin selling memories of my childhood off one-by-one. Things like rare games begin to fade from my collection, all just to fund a book that I would use once and possibly never get near the desired street value again. Once that bastion was exhausted, my last bastion was invaded... My electric guitar. Once I sold that, pretty much most of my childhood relics had finally been lost. Sure, my childhood wasn't too great, but I wish that I never had to lose those pieces of my life. Now, I have had to put aside my commitment to pay off the IRS and another debt... why? I paid $700 to get back into school and I still need to make a "contribution" to my family, before my book expenses...
You can keep your games and fail or you can sell your possessions and learn... Choose!
But let's get down to the cost and tactics for books...
With the modern era, textbooks for classes can easily reach $300 - $500 depending on the required curriculum's requests. There are some instructors feel that the textbook is only an additional "tool" and not a necessity, so that leaves a student to invest time to be in class or the lack of investing in a book becomes the sword that cuts a GPA asunder all from skipping class. There are some which endorse getting the previous edition, prior to the newest printing which is a great way to save some serious cash from the hard depreciation of an older edition. Last way to save a buck or two is just to hit up your local craigslist site and just try searching for the books there... With the advent of social networks, Facebook even has a marketplace where you can plug up ISBN's and they will filter local sales to find local deals. If you're unlucky to be stuck with no one local selling... You have two options:
- Buy from an online vendor and play the waiting game (I got unlucky once and had my book delayed for an entire month once...)
- Buy from the unofficial off-campus bookstore
- Buy directly from the school bookstore.
The first can be a godsend, as there are merchants like abebooks which sells some books for a significant fraction off of the street price. The main caveat is that some of the books are "International Edition" meaning that they were initially sold in other countries, but are still the same book. Which leads me next point, because of the international editions, the books could ship from (for example) Germany. The books are not from abebooks, but they are "marketed" there via third party, much like how Amazon had their "marketplace" set up if you want a used copy of something. Caveat Emptor. (Buyer beware for those not Latin initiated.) The last two can be a bit painful as used can range from $47 - $85 and new from $160 - $200+. The good part is that you are picking up the book in person... so there's no question if you have the wrong book or one that's not compatible with the course.
Of course... now there are the wacky gadgets that instructors require you to buy to get through class. electronic clickers and remotes to electronically respond to pop-quizzes. Those can range from $15 - $20, despite a few teachers saying "A used one should run you a couple bucks in an off-campus book shop." I would hate to be the unfortunate soul who signs up for 2 classes with a requirement to get a JoinIn remote ($20 new) and an iClicker ($20). I was unlucky to be drained to $0 after mine and I still don't have enough money for my books.
Personally, if teachers could say "Log on to my site and you can read the book on my Flash applet" or the school tuition fee could encompass for downloadable books, it'd be great! We should be making use of technology to make education cheaper for the masses. Hell, an e-book device issued out and then "docked" in a class terminal to get a copy of the book would be a great idea. The in-class responders aren't too bad... But why not make the books digital? A few schools are doing this in response that heavy books are hurting the backs of children... Why can't college students get the same deal?
What do you have, what do you need and what do you want?
Submitted by Miss Scotch.
Have: Treo 680 (Cellphone and PDA), Franklin Covey Planner, Kenneth Cole Reaction series wallet, Dell XPS m140 with Ubuntu Linux, 160GB USB hard drive, HP F380 all-in-one printer/scanner/copier, executive desk, standard issue "cubicle rat" chair, Nintendo DS Lite (Onyx), 1999 MX-5 Miata
Need: Money, pay off IRS debt, pay off old electricity bill, pay off old apartment lease breakage, text books for school, oil change, 60,000 mile service on my car, food, new GSM cell phone provider, vacation
Want: Custom dogtag from military surplus store, R4DS card, Pokemon Pearl, Pokemon Leaf Green, Windows powered gaming laptop, Guild Wars: Eye of the North, LCD monitor, executive office chair, supercharger upgrade for car, suspension upgrade for car, light weight and flat black racing wheels, hard top for car, new stereo for car, Pioneer Elite plasma TV, Nintendo Wii, PlayStation 3, XBOX 360, games for corresponding systems, G35 Sport sedan, newer backpack, dragon and phoenix ring set.
